My Sunday Depression Monster
By Andrew Shachat
Sundays are awful. I wake up and don’t want to be conscious. My Depression has put me in an empty box. Over the years I have lost all my close friends. Some of them dumped me after I was hospitalized for attempting suicide. No compassion. No Empathy. I am not wealthy and I don’t own a house which is another reason I can’t find a girlfriend. I paint everyday but no one cares about my work. Everyday I read about this stupid new digital Art selling for millions of dollars. It’s garbage. Another asset for the 1%. My last hope to get through the day is to smoke some Hashish. It’s legal. I take my camera and go to the Wild Life Refuge. The Geese are having spectacular battles. They let me hang out with them as they 'honk' and 'hiss’. I feel less alone around birds. I doubt Medium will promote my stories. They reject everything I write. I don’t submit to other platforms because I know I will get rejected. I am clinging on to life. This loneliness is killing me. I doubt I’m the only one experiencing this chronic suffering. Depression is epidemic in America. Tomorrow I go online to a Zoom support group. My loneliness dissolves for an hour and half. It’s time to meditate and drink green tea. I take refuge in the Buddha and pray for mercy. I ask my mind to be kind and loving toward me. Namaste.