Loneliness is Hell
by Andrew Shachat

During this Covid 19 lockdown I have experienced hellish loneliness. Loneliness is nothing new for me. I’ve experienced intense bouts of loneliness since I was an adolescent. I grew up before Dating Apps so meeting a Woman was very difficult. I spent years alone. Walking the City streets gripped by loneliness and depression. At some point I became suicidal. Finally I would find a Girlfriend but it always turned into another type of Hell. I have had Women cheat on me numerous times. They always complain about my intimacy issues. The only relief was when we had sex. I used drugs and drank Tequila everyday. I didn’t want to be conscious. Finally I ended up in NA and tried out Sobriety. Women were interested in me and I finally had a few girlfriends. But none of the Relationships lasted more than six months. Fast Forward fifteen years. I am deeply depressed and alone living in a Studio Apartment. My neighbors are not friendly. I am isolated because of Covid 19. I am participating in online Mental Health Zoom Groups. Everyone says their doing fine. I never met such a happy group of seriously mentally ill people. I can’t stand listening to them anymore. What a bunch of Liars! Loneliness is a terrible disease of the heart and soul. I hate it. So I wrote this story to try to feel some connection with humanity. I know I am not the only one suffering.